Seven Smart Guides for Singles

Seven Smart Guides for Singles

It’s almost end of 2017. This is the time of the year when we are hit with that sinking feeling that we have not done enough for what we have set out to do at the beginning of the year. You might not have gotten that promotion you were aiming for; you have not reached your ideal weight, and for some of you, you might realize that you are still single!

When it comes to New Year’s resolutions about love, singles often make the mistake of just wanting to “be in a relationship” without really putting down specific actions to achieve that goal. As much as we hope that we would meet our future partner through fate while waiting at a bus stop, that is unlikely to happen outside of our favorite TV show.

But before you let that sinking feeling sink any deeper, I’m here to tell you seven achievable steps that you can take to make sure 2018 is the year that you’ll find love!

1. Shift from “Taking” to “Giving”
We’re so used to thinking that we “deserve” certain things in life. In a relationship, we usually expect our partners to fulfill all our desires, wants and needs, and become upset when they are not being met at all times. In reality, what we can only control is how we can fulfill our partner’s needs, not the other way around.

So, for this New Year, strive to change that mindset and focus on “giving” values to all relationships in our lives – be it friendship, or romantic relationship. There are a lot of ways to add values: by helping them when they come to us with a problem, listening, being encouraging and optimistic, or even paying a compliment. When we apply this mindset and focus on giving values, we are so much more attractive in the eyes of the people around us, including our romantic interest.

2. What you want vs. what you need
It is normal for everyone to have an image of the perfect partner in their mind. Whether it’s looks, income level, or something else, everyone can easily list out what they want from their life partner. I have seen a good amount of people who have specific requirements, for example, “I want my match to look like Emma Stone.” Yet, keep in mind that while you are doing your choosing, others will also be choosing you too, probably asking back, “Do you look like Andrew Garfield?”

If you want to date only your ideal partner, they may only remain an “ideal” forever. I would advise to only stick to the three musthaves and three deal breakers, and be flexible about the rest. If you think about it, women usually want a guy who are at least 180 cm; but what if a great guy comes along but is not as tall? What would that extra 5cm matter in the long run?

And, if your first impression of someone is not that great, don’t write them off immediately. They may be nervous, they may be having a bad day at work, or other reasons that you may not know. At the very least, everyone deserves a second chance (sometimes, you’ll need it too).

Few marriages are results of love at first sight. Most of the time, it will take a few dates for both parties to get to know each other better.

3. Let the past stay in the past
Sometimes, all that is stopping you from moving forward to a new romance is your past. You may not even realize how your past is stopping you from finding someone new, even though you think you’re over it. For example, if you meet someone new and you find yourself always comparing him/her to your ex, it is not a healthy habit. Of course, anyone new cannot be compared to the long history that you’ve had with your ex, so why even try? You will only end up sabotaging any new relationship that you have.

When we remember our past relationships, we tend to become more melancholic and think only about the good times. We do not remember the frustrations, disagreements or fundamental difference that made our ex, well, an ex. And that is not fair either.

So, stop comparing and truly, let go of the past. Accept that, to start anew, you must be ready to turn over the leaf and give that new person a fair chance.

4. Pick up a new skill
There is always something new to learn no matter which state of life you are in. It is vital that you constantly improve yourself and embrace changes in this world, not just for your love life, but also for yourself as well. Learning new skills can do wonders to your resume, and it can also help you meet new like-minded people to expand your social circles.

Most importantly, do something good for yourself and spend some “you” time. Pick something that you’ve always wanted to do, or something that you’d enjoy doing. When you meet someone new, it’s always very attractive for the other person to see that you have a lot of things going on in your life and that you’re invested in pursuing your passion (or just trying out new experiences).

5. Go on a date, at least once a month
If you’re single, it will be great to make a point to go out on a date at least once a month this coming New Year. Get a friend to introduce you to someone new, join social events, try out reputable dating services or dating apps, or pluck up the courage to approach someone new and strike up a conversation.

When you think about it – every relationship starts with a simple introduction. Chances are one of these new dates may evolve into a committed relationship. Remember, dating is a numbers game! So increase your chance to find a boyfriend/girlfriend this year by meeting more people!

6. Get out and about
You do not have to be a sports-junkie or nature-fanatic to appreciate the outdoors. Seeing the green and breathing fresh air is good for the soul, especially when we usually spend most of our days in an air-conditioned room in the office.

If you find yourself spending too much time inside, make a conscious effort to get out of the house; whether it’s to jog, go bike-riding, to exercise, or just simply walking instead of taking the car to check out the new café nearby. Who knows, you may meet interesting people and make new friends along the way as well!

7. Keep a healthy body and mind
It’s true that a healthy body supports a healthy mind, and vice versa. Your emotions can affect your health as well. So love your body; drink more water, eat better, exercise regularly, sleep well, and surround yourself with positivity and positive people!

Happy dating and all the best!

Nikki Assavathorn is the founder of MeetNLunch, one of the biggest and most trusted dating companies in Thailand.